Is it true that we Italians are as candid as our reputation suggests?
BY DINO CARELLA
November, 2024
As an Italian who moved to England for work, I’ve found myself in numerous situations where my direct communication style raised eyebrows among my British colleagues. What I considered refreshingly honest often came across as startlingly blunt in my new environment. While it’s risky to generalize about an entire culture, there’s a kernel of truth to the notion of Italian frankness that goes beyond mere stereotype.
Understanding this spirit of candor isn’t just about avoiding miscommunication; it’s key to forging genuine connections in a world where directness can be seen as either a virtue or a vice, depending on where you are. My journey from the open expressiveness of Italian culture to the more reserved British approach has taught me valuable lessons about navigating cross-cultural dynamics.
Whether you’re an expat, a frequent traveler, or simply curious about cultural differences, learning to balance the Italian art of straight talk with local sensibilities can be both a challenge and a delight. Let me share some insights I’ve gained on embracing my natural candor while adapting to a new cultural landscape - without inadvertently offending anyone along the way.
First of all, is it really true that Italians are candid? The more I think about it, the more I tend to say that, with all possible cautions of any generalization, yes, they are. We are.
However, before blindly accepting this answer, as if it were a coat of paint to be applied equally to all Italians from North to South, it is perhaps more sensible to consider it a generalization and, as such, take it with a grain of salt. The different shades of the same canvas on which the coat of paint is spread means that the final color can vary quite a lot.
Suffice to say that before 1861, when Italy became a nation-state, the country was divided into numerous independent states, each with its own identity, historical and cultural autonomy with influences from different civilizations. Differences that are still clearly perceptible today. Having said that, that spirit is there, and being aware of it serves more than anything else to not be surprised by it rather than to expect it everywhere and from anyone in the same way.
The foreigner who wants to reduce the risk of misunderstandings and take this aspect as an invitation to explore the spirit of a people who have been for centuries a crossroads of peoples and influences, and not as a statement with which to fix an absolute truth, is warned. In fact, although we think of Italians as relaxed people, who go around on Vespas and are more inclined to enjoy life, family, art, and food rather than focusing on production and careers, the reality is that Italy is one of the first economies in the world and the most used scooter is not the Vespa.
Absolute truths are not of this world.
In Italy, if you allow me to joke, they are measured in bell towers (you might have heard about the word “campanilismo” - parochialism) and perhaps this is why the language had to be very straightforward so as not to leave room for interpretation. This spirit is more noticeable by those who come from less expansive cultures and are used to a more diplomatic use of the language such as, for example, the English. Much less so for the French, the Spanish, or the Germans who are just as straightforward as we are. So, it is a very relative truth.
It is in relationships, in everyday life, that opportunities lie to explore the nuances of this “biodiversity” and learn more about us and others. Being open to expanding the universe of our thoughts and of the mind that generates and hosts them is of fundamental importance to go beyond the words and prejudices that derive from our initial and sometimes undisputed perceptions. Knowing how to “translate” a language into the spirit that precedes it can prove to be a fascinating and unifying rather than divisive adventure.
Perhaps, being considered unclear and insincere would hurt an Italian as much as it would an English person if considered rude. Each is trying to give the other what they value most in their own unique way. A small anecdote experienced first-hand: When I moved to England for work, I happened to make proposals that were considered “interesting.” Eh, if you are English, you already know where I am going with this!
Until I understood that this word meant the exact opposite, but expressed in such a way that the English think is more polite than saying it directly to my face, I kept insisting on putting it forward. Not aware of their “spirit of politeness,” I took the word literally and insisted, resulting in appearing thick and opinionated.
Had I confined myself to language, I would have concluded that the English were slow to act at best and insincere at worst. As they would have thought of me as narrow-minded and stubborn. None of the initial perceptions were correct, so the more culturally aware we are, the more we can expand our mutual understanding and appreciate the differences.
In fact, a language is not only a way to communicate notions and thoughts but also a way to bring cultural background and values into the light of interpersonal relationships. As long as people are motivated by the intention of giving you what they value most, a sincere and meaningful connection is always possible. Cultural awareness is important not to choose between one or the other, but to better see one’s prejudices, get rid of them, and expand one’s understanding of the other.
So how can foreigners navigate through the nuances of the Italian spirit of candor?
First, by being culturally aware; second, by being open to questioning their initial reactions; and finally, by not taking the spirit of a nation personally. At the end of the day, what really matters is establishing sincere relationships. Enjoy and integrate into a different culture, bringing your own wealth of uniqueness and differences, and expand your awareness through authentic human connections that will not be found within the limits of any generalization, with their claim to express an absolute truth, but beyond these.
Whether we are open-minded or attached to our own conditioning will affect the quality of our experience. Not only when living in a foreign country but also as individuals who experience themselves through the relationship with the complexities of other individuals, free from conditioning and expectations and therefore able to enjoy life as it comes. Let’s face it, no one ever deals with an entire population altogether, but with single individuals, possibly one at a time.
Bottom line, if you are a foreigner in Italy, and you’re wondering how to deal with the Italian spirit of candor, you might want to start by not taking our straightforward way of expressing ourselves personally. Secondly, remain curious and willing to question your initial perceptions and finally inform yourself as much as possible to gain greater cultural awareness. Whether or not this article is “Englishly” interesting or not is another matter, perhaps to be discussed in open and honest conversation another time.
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